I used to think I was good at planning. I used to think that I could like structure out all the tasks that needed to be done and figure out exactly how it needed to happen. What I thought I was bad at was implementing that plan. I thought that I lacked the discipline and the hard work and the focus to actually do the things that I had planned.
And for ages that was what I worked on for ages. I worked on trying to desperately stick to the plan that I had made, and then not doing it, beating myself up and trying really, really harder next week. And it took me a long time to realize that the problem wasn't my ability to implement a plan, or it wasn't only my ability to implement the plan.The problem was that I was making stupid plans. I was making plans that weren't clear, that were unrealistic, that didn't have a focus. Plans that if another boss had given them to me, I'd have been like, what's this? This is not helpful. Yet I was giving them to myself. Every single week.
So we are gonna be thinking about how we can be a better boss for ourselves when we are in that planning phase, so that we set ourselves up for success each week.
Hello and welcome to episode 24 of the PhD Life Coach. This week, we're talking boss mode. Now, just to get clear straight up, I do not mean boss mode in the "girl boss" sense. This is not about how to boss yourself into doing things. This is not some vague call to get out there and boss your life and blah blah.
Instead, what I mean by boss mode is how we almost lift ourselves out of the day to day for a period of time, just a short chunk of time, in order to take an overview of the task, in order to make some decisions, and in order to plan what we need to do.
Now, you might be thinking, Oh, I already do that. You know, I plot in some times to do things. I write a to do list. I do that already, Vikki. We're going to go so far beyond just making a list and planning in what time slots you're going to do things in, because there's so much more to it. Because we all know that we don't always do those things and just because we write it on our list doesn't mean it happens every time. And just because it's in our diary doesn't mean we adhere to it every time.
So we're going to be thinking about how we can put ourselves in the sort of boss mode that makes it easier for us to implement during the week. You might also be thinking, hang on, I listened to your first episode, which was all called how to be your own best supervisor.
And lots of you did. It's still my most listened to ever episode. If you haven't listened to it, I highly recommend you go back and listen. But in that episode, we really talked about what qualities we want ourselves as our own best supervisors to have. And this time, what we're really thinking about is the more pragmatic side of, okay, when I actually put myself in boss mode, what do I even mean by putting myself in boss mode?
How do I do it? And how do I want to show up? So we're getting much more into the practicalities of it. The other thing that is exciting about this episode is that I am going to be announcing my new group program for PhD students and postdoctoral researchers. So this is essentially for anyone working in academia who doesn't yet have a permanent post. So if you're in teaching fellowships, that's fine. Research fellowships. That's fine. Any stage of your PhD. You can be a PhD student that's come straight through from a master's. You can be a part time PhD student who's doing this in retirement. Everything in between. Doesn't matter if you are a PhD student or you're in a temporary academic job, then this is the program for you.
So make sure you keep listening and I'm going to give you all the details towards the end. I am so excited. It's going to be so good. This episode is going to touch on some of the stuff that I will be teaching in that program. So have a listen, if you find this useful, there is going to be so much more in this group program. So this gives you a real taster of the sorts of things we'll be talking about. So, first, what do I mean by lifting ourselves into boss mode?
What I mean is, a lot of us spend our lives in a single mode of just being us, and sometimes we're planning things and sometimes we're doing things, and often we switch between those, so we get partway through doing things and decide maybe we're doing the wrong thing.
We should do something different, so we go over there and do something different. And other times we have decided things and then we don't follow them and we argue with ourselves about it.
And often we don't have a particularly thought out way of managing any of this stuff, of managing the fact that we're intending to do things and doing something different. And one technique that I have found really useful in my own life, but I've also been teaching now for quite a long time with my clients, is this notion of separating out the boss version of you and the worker, student, researcher, teacher, whatever you want to call yourself, the doer version of you, the you that does the work.
And when we can separate those things out a little bit, we can then start to think about how we want the relationship between those things to be. And we start thinking about how one can really help the other. Now, I've touched on this a little bit. Those of you who have already listened to my How to Manage Procrastination Part 2, that one, the second one, where I'm thinking about past, present and future self, I've touched on this a little bit there, but we're going to take it a few steps further in this episode. So if we can separate out the boss version of us from the worker version of us, then we can start thinking, okay, how can the boss version look after the version of us that needs to actually do the tasks and how can the version of us that actually has to do the tasks show up the way we want to for the boss version of us.
By separating it out, it gets much easier to describe how we want to be, and it becomes much easier to separate the tasks of planning from doing and much easier to think about the best ways to structure our days and our lives. So when I'm talking about going into boss mode, I'm talking about pausing on the doing for a minute. So stopping answering emails, stopping trying to write, stop trying to do the jobs that need doing now and instead take a moment to look at this from one step removed. To look at this situation from the perspective of someone who is managing this situation instead of the perspective of someone who's actually doing it.
Now, one way to kind of. build this in your head, one way to kind of make this clearer for yourself is to imagine how would I act if it wasn't me that had to do the tasks that are on my to do list, it was my research assistant. And in this case, I want your research assistant to be super able, really keen and enthusiastic, but has a limited amount of time and a limited amount of experience of doing these things.
Okay. And so what we get to do in boss mode is we get to think about how am I going to plan out the time, tasks, and understanding of this research assistant in a way that makes it as easy for her as possible.
As with real life relationships, there's two main ways that you can have meetings, in inverted commas, with your boss in this context. So, yourself as boss. The first is in a planned and structured way. So this is where you might put aside some time each week, where you go into boss mode to look at where you're at, look at what you've been doing, what's gone well, what you might change.
What you're going to do in the future. And if you haven't listened to it yet, go back and listen to the episode where I speak to Marie, who talks about her meeting with herself on a Monday morning, because that'd give you a real structure for this. So there's that sort of planned meeting. It doesn't have to be on a Monday.
It could be any time of day, any time of the week. But there's that sort of planned ahead meeting. I always have one with myself on the first of the month, where I look back at the last month and look forward to the next month, for example. It's planned, it's structured. You're sort of really taking an overview approach.
And then the second type of meeting is an emergency impromptu meeting, where everything feels like it's going a bit wrong. We've all had those moments, right, where everything just feels like it's going wrong, and we go to our boss and we're like, I just need help getting out of this moment.
And in that situation, we're going to handle it slightly differently. So in this podcast, I'm going to be thinking about planned meetings and about the impromptu meetings and how we can differentiate those and how we can use this sort of boss mode to keep ourselves on track and to make things feel a lot easier.
Now in that planned meeting, we're going to be thinking about things like recognizing what we have done. So a good boss recognizes progress and allows an element of praise for the progress made so far, so that we're not constantly just looking at the next to do list. So we're actually taking a moment to go, you know what, January I actually got this done, I got that done, I know I didn't cross that off, but we did do these things. In that meeting, we're giving credit to ourselves. We're also being reflective. We're also thinking what didn't go so well and why didn't it go so well? How could I modify things in order to make this work better next month? And this is where we do it from that place of firm compassion. We've had that conversation before.
Firm compassion, where we're not just going to indulge the worker version of us, we're not just going to say, Oh, probably don't do that, it's a bit too hard. But we are going to say, if this person is consistently finding it difficult to focus for three hour blocks, why do we keep planning three hour blocks? Or if this person is consistently telling us that there's too much on the to do list, why are we putting more things on the to do list?
So we get to be reflective, and we get to actually listen. And I want to listen to those worries of worker us, the things that we're finding difficult, so that we can compassionately and not judgmentally and curiously start to investigate, are there ways I can make this easier for them? If we're struggling with getting on with writing because emergency tasks are landing on our desk, can we plan time to do emergency tasks. Even if we don't know what they are yet, because they're emergencies, if we have something unpredictable happen every week, can we plan in time to do those unpredictable things?
Do we need to help our worker self to believe that it's okay for people to wait for things sometimes? So sometimes the problem isn't that we don't have time to do those things, it's that we're telling ourselves, I need to help immediately, or else they'll think I'm useless, they'll think I'm not listening, they'll think I'm bad at my job, whatever it is.
And so in boss mode, when we're in this reflective portion, we might want to think about what thoughts we want to give the worker version of us. So, for example, we might decide that a focus thought for the week would be something like, there's no email that can't wait two hours, for example.
When we're reflecting, we might notice things like the fact that we're struggling with motivation at the moment. We might notice that we're spending a lot of time thinking, I don't even know why I'm doing this anymore. And so when we're in boss mode, we can choose to actively put in time to help with that.
Now, some of us can generate more motivation by simply reminding ourselves why we're doing it. So you might put in time in your diary to spend five or 10 minutes writing about why you wanted to do this PhD in the first place and why it's useful for you or why you're doing the research that you're doing.
Alternatively, other people get more of that from talking to other people. So you might then plan in time to talk with somebody else about your PhD and generate your enthusiasm and motivation that way. We get to problem solve for the version of us that has to actually do the work to make it that bit easier for them.
So in this reflective part, we're really listening to the challenges that we had last week, and then we're leading the way we're planning for how we can try and address those things in the upcoming week.
In these planned meetings, we're also making decisions and that can sometimes be making the difficult decisions. So one of the things I used to do, and I think I've talked about this in past podcasts, but one of the things I used to do was realize I had too many things to do, but I didn't want to decide which things I was going to do and which things I wasn't going to do, because that felt really uncomfortable because a load of me still thought that I should be able to do it all if I was just organized enough.
So I would then just decide I was doing it all, get on with it, and then not do it all, obviously, and just wait and see which things I didn't do. And it was a strategy that lasted a surprising amount of time, considering how ridiculous it sounds now. But when we're in boss mode, it's our specific job to make those difficult decisions.
It's our specific job to contact the people we need to contact to tell them that certain things aren't going to happen this week. Okay, so in this zone when you're planning, part of your role in boss mode is to go, you know what, there's not time for all of this. It's not that Worker thinks there's not enough time and she's panicking, there just actually isn't.
In which case, what are we doing about that? Which things am I putting to one side? Which things am I just saying no to? Which things am I going to spend a little bit of time on?
In this planned boss mode sessions, we also get to ask ourselves the question, how can I make this easy for her? So if we know we've got a writing block coming up, how can I make it really easy by spelling out in advance what the five key points I need are? How can I make sure she's got the resources that she needs to do this piece of work? How can I preempt what questions she might have and make sure that I've asked those questions in advance so that I'll have the answers by the time I need to do this? So we get to think ahead and think what would be really, really useful for me this week.
Another technique that I find really useful when I'm in boss mode is to actually write notes to myself. So we all write to do lists, many of us will time block in some version, but the notes that I write, and I encourage my clients to write, are more extensive than that. I'm actually writing in sentences. I'm not doing bullet points of what tasks need to be ticked off. I'm actually writing instructions to myself. And the joy of this is that I can be more clear, so it forces me to really what I mean, but it also means that I can explain why I want myself to do this. So I'm able to write out, I want you to start with replying to customer emails because those are the most important part of my business. And I want to respond to them as promptly as possible. If you've still got time left at the end of this session, then I'd like you to also go to the whatever else, emails and prioritize those. But if you don't get to them, they can wait till tomorrow.
So I put actual instructions to myself and I try and preempt the arguments that my brain might have with myself. The reasons I might come up with as to why not to do the thing that you said, I try and preempt those things in the note. And so try and explain why we do particular things. I can make it really clear, which are the tasks that are the kind of must-dos today. So I follow, Amanda Goetz, I'm not sure how to pronounce her name. I'll tag her in the show notes. I follow her and she talks about her Two Do list, the two things that she needs to do in a day. In these notes to yourself, you can make really clear which things on your list are your Two Dos, the two things that you absolutely must do today, and which other things are things that will fit in if there's time.
You can make that really clear by spelling it out. You can also use this as a moment to reassure yourself. So if you listen to last week's podcast, you'll hear about me talking about how to reassure yourself, and why we need to learn to reassure ourselves. You can do that in your notes. So in my, here's my little notebook if you're on YouTube, um In the bottom of yesterday's note to myself, when my boss was, my boss, me, was writing to myself, I wrote, this feels overwhelming, but we're going to do is a bit at a time and see how far we get.
Okay, so I made a note to myself and I would see that again during the day and be like, it's okay, boss knew I was going to feel overwhelmed. But it's alright, because we're just going to do the next bit. So you can use it as an opportunity to really explain out what we're doing and why.
It also forces you to reflect, though. Because, I don't know about you, but if I just jot stuff down on a list, it's like, oh, do this, do that, do that, do that, do that. I don't really think that much about how long all those things are going to take, whether that's realistic, how I might feel when I look at the list. I don't think about those things. I just jot it down in a list.
And that means that the first time I really think about it is when I turn up to do the list. Whereas if you are encouraging yourself to actually write out instructions to yourself, you rapidly start to realize when you're being unrealistic.
You're sort of writing all this stuff out and you're like, okay, yeah, this is way more than fits in a day. Or I've been writing for ages and I'm only halfway through the task, that maybe this is more complex than I thought. So forcing yourself to do it can actually make you re- reflect in that original boss mode meeting so that you actually write something that's more sensible anyway. It helps at both ends. It helps when you're writing it and it helps when you're reading it to keep you on track as to what you want to be doing.
Another thing you can do in boss mode is make a priori decisions. So decisions ahead of time. And the reason that's so important is we all know that we can plan but we don't always follow the plan. Things come up and we have to make decisions on the fly about whether we're going to let those things interrupt what we're doing. Now, some things are obvious, you know, if somebody you love needs an ambulance, you are going to interrupt everything you do to get that ambulance.
Other things, I've got a bit of a tummy ache, or I don't really feel like doing it today, or the window cleaner's here and I can't concentrate while he's scrubbing the windows. Not quite so clear cut, They could be good reasons to stop working, there could be not good reasons to stop working.
One of the things that you can do in boss mode is make some little mini rules for yourself about whether you would change your plan in different circumstances. So you say to yourself, this is the plan. These are the things I want you to do. These are the rough blocks that I've got lined up. Listen to my episode on role based time blocking, if you want to know more about that.
We plan that all out, but we can also say, but if reviewers comments come back before Wednesday, spend Thursday on those instead of what I've got planned on Thursday. Or, you write to yourself, I'm expecting reviewers comments back any day. Please stick to this plan regardless, because we've got a good couple of weeks to do those, and there'll be time next week to work on it. So you kind of get to pre empt one way or the other things that might happen and what you want to do in that situation.
Another example of that is deciding what to do if you feel like your writing's just not flowing. Maybe you've blocked in time to do some writing and you never quite know when to persist versus when to kind of concede the point and decide, you know what, it's not happening today, I'm going to let it go.
You can in boss mode decide in advance how that's going to go. So, for example, you could decide, I've made it as easy for you as possible, I've given you some bullet points, I've given you the references you need, this is the paragraph we're working on, so we've made it dead simple, and I need you, i. e. me, I need myself to try my best to get into writing mode and get some writing done for at least 40 minutes. Okay, we are going to push in, even if it's feeling difficult, we're going to try and get in the mode. We're going to remind ourselves we only have to write the next sentence. We're going to, you know, really break it down. And we're going to keep doing that for 40 minutes. If, after 40 minutes, it's still, 40 actual minutes by the way, not 40 minutes of sort of doing it, sort of going on Twitter, sort of talking to the dog, sort of staring out the window. 40 minutes of properly deciding that we are going to make this work. If after that, it's just really, really not working, then you can decide a priori, that's the point where, okay. I'm allowed to go back and edit my references, or I'm allowed to go back and do some other task that feels less taxing and possible, but still is writing related. Now, those numbers aren't there to, like, give you a rule. You might not want to try for 40 minutes. You might want to say, after 10 minutes, it's not flabbing, I'm going to stop.
Or you might say, 40 minutes? I can force myself to keep going for two hours. I'll do two hours. Whatever you decide is up to you. But decide it in advance, because when you decide it in advance, you're not then reanalyzing all the way through. You're not kind of going, Oh, I could just stop and do something else.
I wonder if I should, after five minutes, I could just do something else. I wonder if I should, you're not using that. You're saying, no, we agreed. I was going to try my best to do this 40 minutes. And if after that, I can't, then that's fine. I'll go and do something different. So you kind of pre make those decisions. So have a think about what decisions you want to pre make.
The joy is, you can of course reassess these decisions next week. So when you're next in boss mode, you can say, Okay, we tried the 40 minute rule and actually, you know what, that worked pretty well. We're going to keep that. There were several times where I didn't think I was going to get into it, but I did.
So we're going to keep that one. Or you might go, you know what, that 40 minutes was just painful. Not once did keeping going for that long make me actually get in the flow of writing. So you know what? 20 minutes is long enough. If I'm not into it by then, I'll do something different. You get to reassess, you get to make it again, but you get to do it when you're in boss mode, rather than second guessing it the whole time while you're in worker mode.
So these are the sorts of things that you do in structured boss mode, the boss mode sessions where you plan it in advance, you're looking back, you're giving yourself reassurance and credit for what you have done, you're looking ahead, you're making realistic plans, taking the difficult decisions, explaining your reasoning and trying to make as many advanced decisions as you can to really set yourself up for the week. Now I keep referring to a week.
You don't have to do this weekly, you could plan to do them twice a week, plan to do them every morning, last thing before you start the next day, whenever you do them. But these are the ones that you've sort of structured in, in advance. And those are the types of tasks I want you to do in those boss mode meetings.
The other type of boss mode meeting though, is an impromptu boss meeting. And as I said, this is when you're just having a little bit of a breakdown and struggling and just like, I just need to lift myself out of this for a second. And the key rule with these meetings is that we're only trying to solve for this specific issue. Often we lift ourselves out and decide this is the moment to reevaluate our entire career. Nah, no. What we're doing now is we're lifting ourselves out and we're saying, right, I'm just going to stop even trying for a second.
I'm going to take a breath. I'm going to put myself into boss mode. My boss is calm and compassionate and clear. And I'm reminding myself that I can be all of those things. And we are just going to have a quick chat about how I am right now.
And this is where you might be deciding that, you know what, I thought I was doing that this afternoon, but I don't feel good, or some stuff's happened that's changed things, something's come in, something's got cancelled, whatever it might be. And you get to have just a quick check in with yourself to make a decision about what you're going to do.
One big tip, slightly change environment for this. Even if it means just going standing on the other side of your desk. Okay, I'm not saying go off to another coffee shop or something like that. But, stand up, move from where you have just been sitting and stressing and things. Remind yourself what type of boss you want to be.
And ask yourself questions about what do I need right now and I want you to ask them from that compassionate, firm place. So, you're slightly sceptical, but very kind. So you're sort of saying, okay, are we tired? Or does this just feel difficult right now? Those sorts of questions. Are we the sort of tired that's gonna feel better because we have a nap? Or are we the sort of tired that's gonna feel better because we have a walk? What do I really need right now?
Check in with your basic needs, you know? When did you last drink water, for example? She says, with her diet coke can next to her. I need to remember to ask myself that question more often. Where did you last drink water?
You can check in with those things. You can ask yourself, am I spiralling right now? Because often when we're in these sorts of moods, these distressed states, the problem isn't the specific problem, the problem is all the other things that we're telling ourselves. That because we're finding this paragraph hard, we're going to get further behind, we're never going to finish, we're never going to get a job.
And so when you go into impromptu boss made, you get to ask yourself questions like that. What am I making this mean? It's okay. What's the actual problem at the moment? And what are you telling yourself is now going to happen? So we get to just separate those things out. And this isn't easy if we're in the midst of feeling, you know, upset and stressed and things like that.
And it could be that as your impromptu boss, the first thing you decide is she is not in the mood for any sort of logical discussion here. What she really needs right now is just get outside, go for a walk, and calm down a bit. And so you do that bit. And then you have the rest of impromptu boss meeting when you get back to make decisions about what else you're going to do.
You can do the thing that you need immediately there in the moment. What impromptu boss doesn't do is take that stress moment and decide to reorganize the whole week. They don't decide they're going to completely change the research project they're doing or whatever. They just figure out what do you need right now, that will actually make you feel better, not the things that just mask it, so we're not talking going off for chocolate or whatever. What would be actually helpful right now, as your boss, as the slightly more calm and sensible version of you, what would be most useful? And how can I help you implement that right now?
So that is boss mode, both planned and impromptu. If you found that useful, and I'm sure all of us need more of this in our lives, and you want to learn more about the specific how, so if you've left this episode going, okay, that's interesting, but how do I do this? What if I don't follow through? What if I still find it difficult to judge what's realistic?
If you're asking all these questions of yourself, then you are perfectly set up to come onto my group program. So as I said, it's for PhD students and people in non permanent academic roles, so postdocs, teaching fellows, anyone like that. It starts the first week in April. It is going to run three months and it's going to include some taught workshops that are bespoke and specific to your program. It's going to include weekly group coaching sessions where you get to see other people getting coached, get one to one coaching yourself. You're going to get my ebook on how to be your own best boss with tons of exercises in it and things like that. And there's going to be some secret bonuses too, which I will tell you about soon, but access to other workshops, access to private videos and all sorts of things. You get access all the way through directly to me, so I will be able to help you with your specific issues and you'll be able to be in contact with the rest of the group, the rest of the community, so that you can support each other too. It is cheaper than my one to one coaching. It is 300 pounds for three months. And that includes all the workshops, all the coaching, the book, the community, everything is substantially cheaper than one to one coaching. I know if you heard my podcast last week, you've heard a little bit about it, but that is some more detail for you. I'm going to teach you how to do quarterly and monthly reviews and planning. I'm going to take you through those, how to monitor your progress, how to implement boss mode in your life in much more detail.
We're going to think about self management, emotional regulation. It's going to be amazing. I am so excited to the extent that I'm actually encouraging many of my one to one PhD clients to move across into that program. That's how good I think this program is going to be.
If you want to know more about it, make sure you're on my mailing list. Go to www. thephdlifecoach. com, go to work with me, and then pick the sign up option for my free online community and you'll get all the emails about it. Alternatively, contact me through any of the different ways that you can contact me, vikki@wemburycoaching.com or you can find me on Twitter at Dr Vikki Burns or on Instagram at the PhD Life Coach. Wherever you can find me, just send me a message. If you book in, you'll be directly in contact with me. You can tell me what's challenging you at the moment, what sort of support you're looking for, and I will explain everything to you about how to get involved.
If you're a supervisor or another member of staff, please make sure you share this with people that you think would benefit from it. I might do one like this for senior academics in the future, keep your eyes peeled. Make sure you tell lots of people about it. Send me a message, just call it, I might be interested and I will take it from there.
We're starting first week in April, it's going to be incredible. Hope you found today useful. Let me know how you get on implementing boss mode for planning in your life. And I look forward to seeing you all next week.