Do you find yourself searching for the perfect planner that will just help you get it together? In this episode, I discuss why we all want the perfect planner, why it won't solve our problems, and what we can do instead!
**Also, here is the "I'm Busy Being Awesome" podcast with Paula Engebretson that I recommend in the podcast**
Transcript
Hello and welcome to episode two of the PhD Life Coach, where we are going to talk about why you don't need another planner. Now, I feel a little bit hypocritical doing this episode because I have been the absolute queen of planner buying. Planner starting and planner dropping as well. I still have the remnants of various planners around my house. So sheets of sticky stickers, half used planners, things like that. And so it really made me think about why. So many people selling these planners, why do we think that we need them and why do they often not work? And most importantly, I'm going to also spend some time thinking about, well, what can we do instead?
When we have that urge to buy a planner and think that it's going to be the solution to all of our workflow problems, what can we do instead? But let's start with, what is the temptation of planners in the first place? Well, for me, it's really selling a dream, isn't it? It's selling a new version of yourself, a new version of your systems, where in this version, when you've got this planner, you're much more organized, you are calm. You remember to reply to your emails, you get things done on time.
It's this like fantasy land that this new planner will take you to. It's almost an opportunity to be somewhere else to drink something healthy at 5:30 AM while planning out your day before you go and exercise all that kind of aspirational productivity stuff that we all consume every day. It really buys into that idea that you just need this one more product and everything else will fall into place. You're buying into a lifestyle.
But I think it's more than that too. I think it's also that when you are looking for a planner, there's usually something you're avoiding doing. Now, I don't know about you, but I never put in my diary, Thursday at 2:00 PM spend 45 minutes looking for a planner. You know, in a kind of proactive, that would be a really useful thing to do kind of way. I never did it like that.
I would start looking for planners when I was really behind, when had things that were overdue where I was feeling guilty about messages that I hadn't sent, where I was looking at my desk and it was at a carnage, and that's when I would suddenly go, what I need is a new system. Sometimes it would be planners that you can buy online, like physical planners. Other times it would be getting into all these different softwares that you can download now, setting up your notion workflow or whatever it might be. Getting really obsessed with how that could look and what it could be like.
And it was always at that time when really there were other things that were more important to be doing. That's because looking for a planner like this is really what we call a buffering activity. You don't like the emotions you're experiencing when you're looking at the things that you had planned to do or that need doing and in order to try and make that go away, you do something that's easier, but still feels productive. So searching for a planner is really easy to convince ourselves that that's important, that it's progress, that is going to help us be better, but it's not hard. It's quite fun. You know, you scroll through Amazon, you scroll through whatever blog sites you go to, looking for ideas of different productivity systems and how things can be better next time.
It's one thing we call passive action. So rather than spending the time to take a big chunk out of a task that you are worried about, you spend the time in passive action of searching for the perfect system. It's a little bit like I'm at the moment trying to think about exercising more than I do, and I'll sometimes spend time planning what exercise I might do. You know, if I was getting to exercise at home, which of these videos would I use? Which series of exercises might I do, etc rather than getting up and doing some exercise in that 10 minutes. So you get caught in this like buffering activity that feels productive, but doesn't actually get anything done.
So, What's the problem there? Maybe we just look for planners and that's the buffer and, well, first part problem is that we don't get the thing done that we were sort of distracting ourselves from. The other problem is what happens after you order this planner. So I've spent quite a lot of money on planners in the past, and they arrive and they're shiny and beautiful, and you're filled with a promise of how wonderful your life's going to be now.
It's a bit like getting a new school book. I don't know if you remember that, when you start a new school term. I look back, I've still got. I keep a lot of clutter, let's just say that. I've still got some of my school books and I noticed in the first few pages there was beautiful handwriting. Gorgeous. And then as it goes on, it gets more and more messy. More and more scruffy pages, missed out mistakes, etc. And I'm like that with planners. And I think most of us are, at first, we fill them in beautifully and we maybe even waste time, spending so much time making the planner beautiful.
But then over time you find yourself falling off the wagon a bit, not using it as consistently and again, that wouldn't be too bad. Maybe a bit of a waste of money. It wouldn't be too bad if it didn't then come along with a whole load of feelings of guilt because I don’t know about you, but when I've done this in the past, I then start getting into, Oh my God, I can't even stick to this. Oh my God, you know, I've wasted money again. I'm stuck to it again. Why can't I just do this the way other people do? And it sort of becomes this kind of negative thought spiral, that usually, ironically, culminates in me thinking I need a different planner. The, the problem is I didn't find the right planner, and if I found the right one, all my systems would come under control.
I want you to think about the last time you considered getting a new system, whether sometime online system, printed system, whatever it might be, and whether you had similar challenges. I know when I speak to my clients, a lot of them talk about having exactly the same sorts of things that I'm talking about.
What I really want to emphasize that the problem here is not that you want a planner, the problem is not that you think that a planner is going to solve things for you. The problem's not even the thing you want to solve for. The problem is the thought that makes you think you need a planner. And I'm going to say that again because that was a bit complicated.
The problem is the thoughts that you are having that make you think a planner is going to help. So I'm going to give you some examples of what I mean by that. The first thought might be - if I had the perfect planner, I could fit it all in that thought. If I just had the perfect planner, I could fit it all in, might make you feel rushed. Or it might make you feel guilty that you don't already fit it all in, or it might make you feel sort of pressured or something like that. If I just get the right planner, I can fit it all in another thought that might lead to getting thinking you need a planner is something like my life's chaos and I need to sort it out.
This is one I used to tell myself a lot. Oh, okay. Everything's all over the place. I just need to sort it out. I just need to sort it out. And that would make me feel really overwhelmed and it would sometimes make me feel a chunk of shame as well. Like how am I not more on top of this by now?
Another thought is, I don't wanna let anyone down. I keep forgetting things and I don't wanna let anyone down, so I need a new planner so that I don't let anyone down. And you can imagine that leads to feelings like anxiety, worriedness, all of those. And then there's also an element, have a think about whether this resonates for you. But there's also an element of “she” uses a planner. You can think who the she or he is for you. She uses a planner and I want to be like her. One of my best friends. In fact, many of my best friends, I have really organised best friends. That's an interesting thought to ponder on. But the one I'm thinking about in particular, hyper-organized, super good at sticking to bullet journaling.
I love her to pieces and she's amazing and she sticks to bullet journaling and she produces these beautiful bullet journals and she actually uses them regularly and I love it for her so much, and I'm still a bit jealous of it. I would still love to be somebody who does what she does and who sticks to these things. I have since become not resigned. Accepting. Accepting is the word. Accepting of the fact that I'm not, and that that's okay, and that I'm good at different things and that, that's all great, but one of my drivers for wanting to find the perfect planner was sometimes seeing her planners and being like, I want to be like that. I want to do that too, and that can sometimes make you feel inadequate or just make you feel like you're just not quite good enough.
The problem with those thoughts is that they lead to feelings that don't feel very good. None of us want to be rushed or overwhelmed or anxious or inadequate or any of these things, but also our actions are driven by our feelings. We don't talk about this that much, especially in academic circles. But the way we behave is driven by the emotions that we're having.
And if we are feeling rushed, we're feeling anxious, overwhelmed, and adequate, then we are not going to take the actions that are going to lead us to achieve our goals. No matter what planner we get our hands on, if we're feeling rushed, we don't prioritize, we make mistakes. If we're feeling overwhelmed, we often just can't start and end up distracting ourselves with something.
If we are looking for a planner to fix these feelings, it's just not going to happen because the fact is changing your circumstance, just getting a new planner, isn't going to make those feelings go away if you keep thinking that you're not doing enough, that things are chaotic, that you need to work harder.
We're looking for an external solution to a problem that's really driven by the thoughts that we're having in the situation that we're in. So, what do we do instead? Instead of going out onto the internet looking for more planners? What do we do instead? Well, we need to identify what the real issue is here.
If you are telling yourself that there's too much to do and you can't get it all done, why is that a problem? Why is it a problem that you can't get it all done? What are you making that mean about you? Often we are making it mean things like, and then my boss will find out and realize I'm not good enough, or then I won't have much value if I'm not doing lots of things.
We make it mean stuff about us. If we think that we're not as organized as somebody else, we make, make it feel like we have no value, that we don't contribute. We have these sort of so-what thoughts underneath the need to get everything done. And instead of looking for a planner, I'd really invite you to just dig out what those thoughts are.
Why is it a problem that you are not doing everything on your to-do list? Why is it a problem that you're not using every minute of the day productively? What are you making that mean? This is where we need to sit and the reason we look for planners is because it's not very comfortable to sit here. It's not very comfortable to sit and realize that.
The reason you think you need to do everything is because you don't think you'll progress unless you get all these things done or because you don't think people at work will like you if you start saying no to things. But turning off Amazon, stopping looking for the planners and staying here for a moment helps you realize what the real issue is and a planner's not going to fix that.
It's a little bit like, have you ever tried decluttering your home? It's been an ongoing process for me, and it's something that has enormously helped. And I used to think that the solution to my mess was more storage, and so I would buy all the storage solutions you can imagine, the IKEA folders, the little boxes that, you know, new cabinet, all sorts of things so that I could keep my stuff organized.
And it wasn't until I started realizing that actually I didn't need more storage, I just need less stuff. And I started just slowly, gradually filtering things down. So I had fewer things that I actually started to address the issue in the first place. And it's the same here, thinking about what is the real issue?
And the issue is always what you're telling yourself.
When you find yourself in that situation and you find yourself realizing that the problem here is that you are telling yourself that you're not of value unless you get everything done. One trick I'd invite you to try is thinking about your most firm, but compassionate friend. So not somebody who just goes, Ah, yeah, you are amazing. Let's go out. Forget it, don't worry. Not somebody that's like, Well, yes, you should work harder, but somebody who's sort of firm and compassionate. If you don't have someone like that in your life, that's quite normal too, but you can start to conjure up these voices for yourself.
I want you to start telling yourself things like you are already a value. If you don't finish your to-do list, you're still of value. You deserve rest. You deserve support systems to get done what you want to get done, but you don't have to do it all.
You can do a bit at a time and you don't have to be perfect. One thing I have in my house is a to do list that I found amongst my dad's stuff after he passed away in 2017. I found it in the final page of his Filofax, because he had a Filofax apparently in 2000. Nineties throwback, don't ask, but I found a to-do list and it just really resonated with me that he was never going to do the things on that to-do list and how little any of them mattered.
It was like “clear out garage” and it's like no one cares. I kept that to do list because it really puts into perspective a lot of the things that we think we absolutely have to do. So if you find yourself looking for an external solution, whether it's a planner, whether it's other organizational systems, really take a moment to try and be compassionate to yourself and where you are at at the moment rather than looking for the thing that will enable you to do it.
I have a couple of extra practical steps. People always love practical steps. The first one is if you are convinced that you need a planner, I have two recommendations. One recommendation is do it on a good day. So don't look for planners when you're in the midst of overwhelm. When you're in the midst of stress, you will not have good perspective.
You will be unrealistic about what you will actually stick to. Look for planners on a good day. Look for planners when you've got a bunch of stuff done and have it as an actual practical tool that you're looking for. So now you're not looking for something to fix an emotion. You're looking for an organizational system that might actually improve things.
Because at no point am I saying that a better system might not help. It really could help. And in future episodes, we'll think about what some of those systems could be, but you want to be coming at that decision from that very pragmatic perspective of what is a realistic task or tool management system that will actually help me manage these things, make it easier, from the point of view of a logistical problem to be solved rather than an emotional sticking plaster to make me feel better. So only look when you're feeling good.
The second one is be realistic about what you are going to stick to. So one of the things that I've noticed in more recent planners, which I think is a real turn up, is planners that don't have fixed dates on them.
So I have a beautiful planner, so it is blue and it has lovely gold edges and it's all very fancy. I love it. And the very first date in it is the 1st of March, 2020. If only we knew then what we know now! And I'm still only a quarter of the way through it because I use it for a little bit. So within a few pages, we're at March, 2021.
We flick through, we've got some May, we've got some September, December, 2021 and a little bit more March. I don’t know what it is about March that makes me think I need to use my planner. And I haven't used it since the 29th of March, 2022. But because it's not dated, I come back to it. And the other thing that has enabled me to come back to it more than anything else is the fact that I've really worked on coaching myself to not feel shame about the fact I don't use it consistently.
In the past, I would've got rid of that and bought a shiny new one. And this time I'm going to stick to it. All those things we tell ourselves. I haven't with this I've accepted. I use that planner intermit. Other times I'll scribble in my notebook. Other times I'll just wing it. Other times I'll put stuff in Outlook and I've accepted, I'll use it intermittently.
When it feels nice to write in it, I write in it. When I don't, I don't. And that's actually enabled me to keep it for a lot longer and to use it far more than I would've done if I'd had this kind of perfectionist thing that I have to stick to it. In fact, you can even, that's more of a haphazard thing for me that I use it sometimes, don’t use it other times, not in between.
You can even plan to use things intermittently. So A friend and colleague of mine Paula Engebretson, if you haven't found her podcast “I'm busy being awesome”, I would highly recommend her. She is a coach for people with ADHD. But even if you don't have adhd, she has loads of tips that are super helpful for organizing yourself and doing it in a compassionate and thoughtful way.
And one of the things I've heard her talking about, which always really resonates with me, is the idea of not expecting yourself to stick to the same system. That you might actually plan to have a planner like that and plan to use it for one month, and then at the end of that month to plan to use a different system that you now find interesting.
And as long as you're not spending tons of money on every option, you're not spending hours and hours finding the perfect solution. Then actually that can be a really good way to keep yourself engaged. So actually having a new system, but making it easy and simple and accepting that you will change can actually be quite a positive way of using a planner because you are removing that layer of, Oh my God, I haven't stuck to it again, I'm so useless that so many of us have. So really think about those things.
The final tactic that I want to introduce you to is a to-think list. That sounds strange, doesn't it? A to-think list. Everybody writes to do lists. We write down the actions that we need to take in order to achieve our goals. Whether those goals are small things, whether they're lists of jobs we need to do around the house, whether they're major work deadlines and things like that, we write down things we need to do. There's a billion podcasts out there that will tell you how to organize your to-do list into small bite size chunks, blah, blah, blah, blah, prioritize this and that, et cetera, et cetera.
Fine. And we'll talk about that at some point, I'm sure. But what that doesn't do is thinking any way of you as a human being with a heart and a brain and a soul and a body and all of these things. And it doesn't allow for the fact that, like I said earlier, what we do is driven by how we're feeling and how we're feeling is driven by what we're thinking, and that's something we have control over.
We often don't think about having control over our thoughts, but we have control over which thoughts we focus on. And so what I would really urge you to do the next time you're thinking you need a new planner is not to think so much about how you're going to keep track of all the things you want to do, but instead start thinking about what are the things you need to think.
What are the things you need to think at the start of a day, during the day, the end of a day that will enable you to feel better and to get the things done? These might be things like, the work I'm doing is a value. It might be, I'm looking forward to the things I'm going to do today. Sometimes it can be at the end of the day, giving yourself recognition.
Yesterday my partner came home and did some jobs around the house that he had been intending to do for a while, and I noticed that two or three times he said to me, I'm so glad I got the garage door painted and it just really struck me that he was really celebrating the fact that he'd got it done and how little people usually do that.
So one of the things that I've jotted down in my to think list is to think how grateful I am for the things that I have done. To think that I've chosen the things that are on my to do list. I chose to do this, let's go. I'm good at this. Let's get on with it. Those sorts of things. So remember, if you find your brain telling yourself that you need another planner, pause.
Figure out what problem you are trying to cover up with a planner. What's the emotion you are trying to avoid and think about how you can really support that by thinking about what thoughts you could choose to support yourself and how you can move forward in a much more intentional way than just finding another planner.
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