Have you ever felt like an imposter? Worried that someone will find out that you're not good enough to be here after all? Unfortunately we know that imposter syndrome is really common in academia and can lead to reduced wellbeing and even people leaving programmes or jobs. In this episode, I share some simple tactics that everyone can use to help feel a little less like an imposter. Importantly, I also discuss how imposter syndrome is not an individual failing, but rather a result of structural issues in our environment. Because of that, we need to address it as a community, so I talk about how we can help others feel more included and competent too.
I talk about a book chapter in this episode by Rachel Handforth. It's called "Feeling “Stupid”: Considering the Affective
in Women Doctoral Students’ Experiences of Imposter ‘Syndrome in Higher Education" and it's chapter 18 of the Palgrave Handbook of Imposter Syndrome. You can find out more here. You'll need a uni login to access it but if you're struggling, DM me and I'll send it over!
Transcript
Hi everyone, and welcome to episode 30 of the PhD Life Coach, where we are going to be talking imposter syndrome. Have you ever worried that someone is going to find you out? That you've somehow convinced your supervisor that you are better than you actually are, and that one day you are not going to be able to wing it anymore, and they are going to realize that you are not clever enough to be there?
Have you ever sat in a meeting thinking, how am I in a room with all these amazing people who've done all these amazing things, and there's me over here being little old me, and if I say the wrong thing, they're going to realize they totally should never have let me into this room?
If you work in academia, or doing a PhD, I'm pretty sure you have experienced those things, and for many of you, these will be thoughts and feelings that you are having a lot of the time. There's tons of research that shows that academia is a hotbed of people experiencing imposter syndrome, feeling like they don't belong, and that this has real impact on wellbeing. It makes people more likely to leave their program, makes them more likely to experience mental health problems, to feel that they're not part of the environment that they're part of. So in this episode, we're going to be thinking about this really real and important issue.
Now before we get any further, I want to address one thing. Often when people talk about stress in academia or talk about imposter syndrome in academia, they reassure people with the thought that it's normal. And this is something that we actually talked in one of my coaching sessions this week, with my PhD students, where one client talked about how her supervisors had told her that the way she was feeling was normal and that that had made her feel invalidated.
And so I think it's really important to recognize that when I say that something's normal, when I say that it's quite common and I see it in a lot of people, that isn't me saying it's okay. It isn't saying that, “therefore you shouldn't be upset by it. This is normal. Get used to it. This is normal. Get over it.”
This is me saying, yep. There's nothing weird about you. There's nothing wrong with you if you feel like an imposter in academia. This happens to quite a few people, but that doesn't make it okay. That doesn't make it not painful, and it doesn't mean it has to stay like that. That's what I mean when I say that these things are normal.
So if you are experiencing these things, I see you, I hear you, I understand. I've been there. I've supported other people through the challenge many, many times. What you're feeling is completely valid, but it doesn't have to feel this bad. So in this episode, we are going to be thinking about what specifically we can do to address imposter syndrome.
The other thing I see a lot is people thinking that imposter syndrome will get better when they reach the next stage. That once they've got their PhD, they won't feel like an imposter anymore. Once they're a senior lecturer, they won't feel like an imposter anymore. But again, there's evidence in the research and certainly in my coaching practice that this doesn't just automatically go away because you become more senior.
There's an article by Rachel Handforth which I'll link in the show notes for you about imposter syndrome, and she asked a bunch of PhD students to write to themselves over various different time points in their PhD. And one of the things she asked them to do, as a final year PhD student was write to their past selves, write to their first year PhD self. And she then analyzed that text to see what themes came out. And one of the quotations that she included really struck me. One participant said:
“the most striking thing that you will learn,”… so this is them talking to their past self… “is that I don't think I'm wiser than you. The same insecurities about what to do next. The imposter syndrome and the uncertainty about where we will be happy is still there. They have not gone away and I suspect they never will.”
And that really struck me because it really matched up with what I see with my clients, that people at all different levels of their academic career have these same imposter syndromes, they just have them about different scenarios. They have them about the new room they're in, the new meeting they're part of the new conference they go to, the new role they take on.
And what I really want to reflect from this is if we just expect that cause we've reached a new stage, these feelings will go away, then this person is completely right. They don't just spontaneously go away because you achieve a new thing.
However, the bit I want to dispute and that I want to address in this podcast is this idea that they will never go away. These thoughts and feelings can either go away or at least be reduced in their impact by some simple things that we can do as individuals and much more importantly as a collective. So it doesn't have to be inevitable, that we feel this way.
If you are listening to this as a PhD student, there's going to be tons of stuff that you can take for yourself.
If you are listening to this as a more senior member of staff, there are going to be things you can take for yourself, but also things you can take for your department and that kind of wider community because it is so important for us to address this as a collective.
This is not an individual failing. Imposter syndrome is not an individual failing.
Imposter syndrome is not a function of you not being good enough. Imposter syndrome is a function of the environment that you're working in and the expectations and stories that you absorb and internalize every day. That's why imposter syndrome has been shown to be worse in women, in people of colour, in people from working class backgrounds, people with disabilities, essentially anybody who doesn't fit that kind of academic, historic ideal of the white cisgender male who can devote their life to academia, who has somebody at home looking after them and doing other jobs for them, and who sort of fits all those normal stereotypes.
This comes from structural exclusion of particular groups of people and particular types of people. If you feel like an imposter, it's not because you're not good enough, it's because academia, higher education are not set up to make everybody feel welcomed and included and valued at the moment.
It's something we are trying to work on. It's something that is improving in places, but there's still an awful lot of stuff that we internalize, forget that it's almost things that we are told or that we're implicitly sold, and turn it into our own self-doubts as though it's somehow originated in us. Okay?
And the problem is because we forget where it comes from, we think it's a personal failing. We think that in addition to not being good enough to be in this room, we're also failing because we're suffering from imposter syndrome. We become imposters because we think we're imposters. We think, oh, well maybe if I'm feeling this imposter syndrome, even if it's not true, maybe the fact I'm feeling it means that I'm not cut out for academia. We turn it into a personal failing. And so my first thing here, if you take nothing else, feeling like an imposter is not a personal failing, particularly if you come from any of those minoritized groups. It is entirely not surprising that you feel like an imposter sometimes.
That's not to say white cisgender males can't feel like imposters. I coach many that do. And I think that's just a real example of how institutions and sectors that have structural inequality in them benefit no one because we've somehow created this highly competitive, highly pressurized environment that structurally excludes certain groups. It also just makes it an environment that's challenging for an awful lot of people.
So if you feel like you have imposter syndrome, this is not about you. It is not for you to individually fix. However, we also don't have to make it worse for ourselves. So what I often see is people who are beating themselves up about stuff, they're making it true. They're making it mean that they're actually not good enough, and then they stop engaging. They remove themselves from in the environment, and they tell themselves all the time that they're not good enough as though society doesn't tell them this enough. They tell themselves that this is the case too.
Imposter syndrome isn't your fault. It's not a personal failing. But that doesn't mean we have to just accept it, experience it, tough it out, or any of those things. There's a bunch of things we can do to look after ourselves better, and look after each other better.
So the first thing I want you to think about, is, I want you to stop making this binary. By calling it imposter syndrome, we give it this name, we have imposter syndrome, or we don't. We are an imposter. Or we're not. And what that means is that if we ever have doubts about our right to be somewhere or have doubts about our abilities, then we are an imposter.
You know, it's a noun, it's a thing. An imposter is a thing. You either are it or you aren't. And that sort of binary thinking just really doesn't help because as soon as you have any doubts, then it launches you all the way over there into imposter zone and we start to think that this is a massive problem.
What I would really encourage you to do is to think about it much more as a continuous variable. We're not either an imposter or we're not. We belong to a greater or lesser extent. We are able to a greater or lesser extent, we have skills to a greater or lesser extent. And when you start thinking about it like that, all of a sudden you can start thinking about the ways you do belong, the ways you are good enough, the ways that you have skills that you are bringing, and you get to also recognize the things that you're finding more challenging or that you are less able to do and not see them as something that launches you straight into the imposter zone, but as something that can be worked on, that can be accepted. It doesn't have to mean anything about all your other skills and abilities and qualities and what you bring to academia, so try to avoid having this binary of imposter versus not.
The second thing I want you to think about is not waiting for external confirmation. So one of the things we do see in research is that for short periods of time, after you've had some sort of accolade, you feel a bit better. So when you get promoted, you feel a little bit less of an imposter. And when you get something published, you feel a little bit less of an imposter.
And as I said at the beginning, these feelings don't last. They don't sustain us forever. But in that short moment where we get external validation, then we feel that little bit better.
I'd really like you to ask yourselves why external validation means so much more to you than internal validation. Why are we putting somebody else's opinion of our abilities, who doesn't know us anywhere near as well as we know ourselves above our own opinions?
Because there's problems with that. Other people have their own agendas. They have reasons for thinking things about you. They're only exposed to certain parts of you. They only see some sides of you. They don't see all of your abilities and skills and wonderful self.
And we also have far less control over when we get external validation. We don't know when a paper's going to get published. We don't know when someone's going to give us positive feedback.
What we do know is that our voices are inside our heads all the time. We hear ourselves talk to ourselves all the time. So if you feel better when you get more validation, let's start giving ourselves some more validation.
Let's start thinking of all the reasons why we do deserve to be in this room. Let's start thinking of all the reasons why we belong in academia and why it's important that we're here.
I said at the beginning that for those of you who have some influence or power over others, so perhaps you're a supervisor, you're running a program, for example, that there's going to be lessons for you, some more structural changes.
The lesson here is even if we're trying to encourage people to be more internally validating, giving themselves positive feedback, do not underestimate how much external validation helps.
I have students in my PhD coaching program all the time who get one bit of positive feedback from their supervisors, and they're ecstatic. Now we work on not being reliant on that and being more in control of our own sense of satisfaction, but if you are a supervisor, if you are in any sense of power over other people, don't underestimate how much just a little bit of external validation helps.
Saying “I can see how hard you've worked on this. I can see that this has really improved since last time I looked at it. I'm really chuffed with how much you've got done on your study this week”, or whatever it might be. Don't underestimate how much that means.
This is particularly true when you're giving feedback on drafts. So one of the things I see with my students a lot is that their supervisors focus on the things that need changing. And I used to do this, I get it. When you are in a hurry and you just need to get the comments done for somebody, you tend to just focus on the bits that need to be done. But what the students see is a whole series of criticisms and they often interpret that to mean that there's nothing good in the piece.
Now we work hard on looking at how many sections of your work had no comments on, how can we interpret no comments as positive, but if you can just take those few seconds and recognize how important it is to write “Oh, I like this bit. It's really clear. Oh, this bit's so much better than the last version I saw.”
It means so much to your students. Students, you don't get away from this either. Your supervisors are feeling under pressure, undervalued, and they worry about whether they're doing a good job supervising you too. Remember how important external validation is to you and consider when you can give it to your supervisor.
Just saying “thank you. Your support on this has really, really helped me.” I know so many supervisors that keep the emails, you send them in a special folder. If they get emails from students that say nice things about them, they keep them in a special folder to look at when they're feeling sad. Send those messages to your supervisors sometimes. We all need as individuals to work on not needing so much external validation, but as a community, let's think about giving each other a little more external validation whenever we can.
The third thing that I want to talk about is the hidden curriculum. So people have talked about this before where there's a whole bunch of things that people assume that you understand about academia. These are all the sort of unsaid things that carry a lot of power, but they often aren't explicitly taught. So, how to influence more senior academics, how to raise your profile around your university. The process for publishing a paper. Some of these things get taught, some of these things, we just sort of assume that people will pick them up by osmosis.
And the issue is that the people that tend to know these things are the people that are already privileged. So people whose parents were academics and who understand academia, people who have lots of friends who are academics, people who fit the traditional picture of what an academic looks like.
People who have time and energy and money and capacity to go to the pub on a Friday night and socialize with academics from their department. Who have the resources and ability to go to conferences and meet lots of people and get insider information that way.
There is a whole bunch of stuff that we need to find out and when we don't know these things, when nobody shares them with us, we can feel like an imposter because we don't know what these words mean. Or we feel like there's a route to promotion that some people got a map for and other people didn't.
And the first thing to say is you're not wrong. There is, and these things are not well explicitly taught, and they're not widely shared in a conscious and inclusive way. So if you don't understand this stuff, you feel like this things you're missing, there probably is.
That might sound like a depressing thing to say, but the bit I want to challenge is that that makes you an imposter. Because what happens is people think that because they don't know these things, they therefore don't belong.
What I would encourage you is to accept that there probably is a bunch of things that other people know that you don't know, but that doesn't make you an imposter. It doesn't make you any less welcome, any less important to the environment that you are working in. It just means there's a bunch of stuff that you don't know, and the annoying thing is that often you don't quite know what you don't know.
So first step is we accept this as truth. The second step is we start to think, how can I start to uncover some of these things? So if I'm somebody who can't be in the pub on Friday night, cause I've got caring responsibilities or who I can't go to conference because there's no funding for it, how can I socialize in different ways? How can I form connections in different ways? Who can I ask about these different questions? I'm really starting to pick these apart.
The thought I want you to have is “I don't know these things. I don't know what I don't know, but I deserve to know and I have the ability to find it out” instead of “there are things I don't know, that I don't even know I don't know, and that's not fair, and it means that I shouldn't be here.” Okay, let's focus on, you deserve to know and you can figure this stuff out.
Again, if you are somebody with influence, then we flip it around and we think, how can you share some of this hidden curriculum with other people? How can you check understanding of even some of the things that seem really basic to you? How can you have more conversations with people about some of this hidden stuff, about how to influence people, how to get promoted and so on.
If you have some of that insider information, how can you make sure that that's shared and is shared widely and is shared inclusively and preferably is shared in some sort of structured way so that everybody has access to it.
But at minimum, who could you have coffee with? Who might not have access to all of this information? Who could you help to understand some of the unspoken rules of academia?
My fourth tip is to stop comparing your insides to other people's outsides. And we've touched on this in past episodes, but when you are inside your own life, you have access to everything. You know, all the deepest, darkest worries, you know all the stupid things you've ever done. You know the child you were, you know the dreams you've got, you know all the mistakes you've ever made.
And we only really get to compare that to other people's outsides. So you are in a meeting thinking everybody else knows what they're talking about, and I'm the only one here who's wondering what these acronyms even mean, when you haven't said it out loud. They don't know that you don't know what those acronyms mean.
There's probably other people in the room that don’t know what those acronyms mean. There's probably other people in the room experiencing imposter syndrome. There's probably other people in the room who actually aren't even listening to what's being said, because they lost track 15 minutes ago.
Just be aware of that difficulty of comparing your own insides to their outsides. They have an internal life, and internal worries, that you will likely never know about, and you're making a really unfair comparison. A common comparison. Don't beat yourself up for making unfair comparisons, but just remind yourself that you're not on an even playing field, if you compare your insides with their outsides from the outside. I'm pretty confident you look super competent.
Now, if you are in a position of power, you can also think about sharing your insides sometimes. One of the things I know my students always used to value when I was an academic and that I certainly still try and do now as a coach, is when I tell them about the things that I still find difficult or the things that I worried about when I was at their stage.
Being honest about some of those things that you find challenging can help other people see that they're not the only one that worries about these things. Now I want to acknowledge that there are some power issues that happen here whereby it is often people who feel particularly secure in their position, so people who have permanent positions, for example, who are generally accepted by the academy.
And for them it's quite easy to share failures and to say, yeah, yeah, I struggled with this. In fact, people have got CVS of failures on the internet and those are wonderful things to see. And if you feel empowered to do that, then it is super useful for people to see them.
But I do want to also acknowledge that if you are somebody who feels more precarious that is an awful lot harder. So you might be somebody who has students, you know, you have PhD students that you're supervising. You want to be as open with them as possible, but perhaps you've got a precarious position.
Perhaps you feel like a bit of an imposter yourself. Perhaps you are one of only a few women in your department, one of only a few people of colour. Maybe you've got a disability. And it can be a lot harder then to be open and admit your failings and admit your concerns.
I get that and I see the privilege that you need to believe that you can admit all of your messy insides and no consequence will come of it. However, the more we can nudge towards that, the more we can make it okay to admit even just small things like “oh yeah, I didn't used to know what that was too. I pronounced it wrong for like three years” or whatever. The more we can admit even these small things, the more we help the people who are behind us in their academic journey, to see that we're human beings too.
Now for the fifth thing, we've already talked about reminding yourself why it's not true that you don't deserve to be here. Reminding yourself of all the things that you've achieved, all the skills and qualities that you bring. We've already touched on that. People talk about that a lot with imposter syndrome.
I want to suggest that you consider what if you have conned somebody into being here, and that's okay. What if when you sit in that meeting, everybody else in that room is more qualified than you? Is more able, more intelligent, whatever it is you worry about than you, and that's okay.
Because actually a lot of the problem with this comes from identifying it as a problem. So it's not just that we are saying we are not good enough to be here and someone will find out, it's that we are not good enough to be here. Someone will find out, and when they find out they'll be consequences.
I'll be kicked out, I'll be humiliated. I'll be told I shouldn't be here and how dare I, and it's all those consequences that are really the challenge here. What if, if we're struggling to believe that we have the right to be in the room and that we are just as clever as everybody else, what if we believe that we've somehow made it to this room, to this department, to this program, and everybody's better than us and that's okay.
Because once you start saying, that's okay, then you open yourself up to a whole lot of different emotions. You start believing how lucky you are to be here. Hey, if it's true that I'm not clever enough to be here and I'm still here, I can learn so much from these people. I can get so much out of this.
For the record, I am not encouraging you to believe that you are not good enough to be in a room, but it can be a really useful interim coping strategy. Maybe I’m not, but I'm here, aren't I? I'm here and I'm going to get everything out of it I can. I'm going to bring everything I've got.
I might not have as much as you guys, but I'm going to bring everything I've got. I'm going to bring all the knowledge I can think of, all the experience I can think of. I'm really going to try and contribute and I am going to learn from being in a room with all these amazing people, it's such a different vibe than, oh, I'm not good enough to be here, so I'm not going to say anything and I'm just going to sit here and panic about it because I shouldn't really be here and someone's going to realize.
How different is it to be “no idea how I got in this room, but hey, I'm here. Let's go. I'm going to contribute best I can and I'm going to get everything I can out of this experience.”
Such a different vibe and you can work on these things in parallel. So you can work on believing you have something to offer, that you deserve to be here and work on believing that if everyone else is more experienced, then I'm super lucky to be here.
When we're thinking as a more senior member of a meeting or a group, I want you also to think about what you can do for the less experienced people there. So if you find yourself in a meeting where there are students there when you are a member of staff, or where there's newer members of staff, when you are a more experienced member of staff, what can you do mindfully and consciously to make sure that they feel included and valued?
Can you make sure you introduce yourselves to them? Can you make sure that you take their agenda items earlier? Can you make sure that you remember to specifically ask for their opinion, to thank them for their contributions?
Now, a bunch of these things sound like they should be kind of common behaviour if we're just polite human beings, but we know when we're in a hurry and we're whizzing through the quality assurance committee or whatever it is, that sometimes these things go by the wayside.
We're caught up in finishing off our emails before the meeting starts, whizzing through the agenda, just trying to get it done in the time we got available, and we don't necessarily remember what everybody else in the room might be thinking.
So if you are in that more privileged position of feeling quite comfortable in a room like you belong, how can you take a moment just to cast your eye around and see if there's anything you can do to make other people feel like they belong in that room too.
And then my final point for anyone who feels like they're sometimes an imposter or a more general sense that they don't belong, is to build tiny bridges. Often we think about ourselves over here on an island where we don't belong, and we want to get to this island where we do belong.
And that's a huge bridge that's needed to take me from this island to that island. Whereas if we can think about it, not so much as that, but as a series of stepping stones, as a series of tiny bridges, that we can make that just help us feel more embedded in the community.
So how can you just do one thing today to feel a little bit more connected to one person in your academic community? If you are going to a conference, how can you identify one person who doesn't look too scary that you could just say hello to and have a conversation with? How could you just ask one person if they'd like to go for lunch, or how could you just slide into the side of a conversation and say hello and smile and nod along.
Try and build some of those tiny bridges because that's how communities are built. They're built one tiny bridge at a time. Because the problem with telling ourselves that we're an imposter or that we don't belong is that we often don't even try to build the bridges anymore. Because it can hurt to try and build bridges and it not work. It can hurt to try and go to something and then nobody talks to you.
And so we sort of protect ourselves from that sense of rejection and often end up withdrawing ourselves. And so often the people that feel most excluded are in some ways excluding themselves as well by not putting themselves in that environment in the first place.
And I'm definitely not saying just tough it up, you're causing this yourself. What I'm saying is allow yourself to be in the environment, maybe on the periphery, and build tiny bridges around the edges. Be kind to yourself. Remind yourself that you can leave at any time if you're feeling uncomfortable, but can you make a conversation with this person?
Can you have a little chat with that person? Can you hang around the food? I hang around the food. It's a really easy way to get talking to people. So you just start to get those little tiny bridges of feeling like you belong to your community.
If you are in charge of your department or you are in charge of your research group or any small part of that community, how can you create more opportunities for that to happen? How can you spot people that are maybe on the periphery and help them feel included? How can you make it easier for them to build bridges with each other?
How can you avoid awful icebreakers, but at the same time give people reasons to talk to each other. How can you make it normal to create bridges that help people to feel included? Because the way we address imposter syndrome is together, together as a community, because it is not a problem that's caused by individual failings.
It's a problem of the community as a whole, and we can each do our bit to solve it for ourselves and to support ourselves through this experience. But we can also each do our bit to make sure that other people don't feel like imposters and feel like they belong to a wider community.
I'd love to hear your thoughts on imposter syndrome, whether any of these resonate with you or whether you found them, any of them helpful. Do follow me on Twitter @drvikkiburns. I'm also newly excitingly on Instagram @thePhDLifeCoach, so follow me over there because at the moment I look like a Billy No Mates. So I want you all to follow me over there too so that I get that sense of belonging as well. Thank you so much for listening, and I will see you next week.